Something quite extraordinary happened to me. I was reading Tin Man, by Sarah Winman, and I experienced something new. I was mid way through the book, the part where Ellis tells folks he’s quitting his job and that he wants to do something new, true to himself. I was like WTF? I must admit, it snuck up on me. His revelation, and actions were a result of seeing life through a queer lens. He made a change, and for me I’m here, right now.
I am on a similar journey, but man is it lonely. To read an experience of someone my age, queer, and taking action, hit like a ton of bricks. Surreal. Did I mention that I was in public, sitting in a train station, waiting for my improv class to start?
I welled up, and had to wipe away a few tears. It felt like my emotions bubbled over, with empathy. It’s a weird feeling seen in a novel, like you can’t run away from it, but strangely also feeling somewhat validated. This feeling is so powerful. It’s a fluke that I read this book at the right time. Right?
Sarah Winman’s writing is fantastic, it’s lyrical, but not too heavy, which can draw you in. I did not realise the change was occurring in Ellis. When he had the conversation with his Step Mom, I felt like I was there. But also, this is a conversation I wish I could have had with my mom, and this feeling of loss somehow contributed. I feel good about that part of the novel. What pained me was that I spent the rest of the novel wanting more Ellis. You get a snippet of him at the end, but it felt bittersweet.
I’ve always been envious of people who could have an emotional reaction to a book. I am grateful for the experience. Maybe I should read more books with queer characters, if you have any suggestions please drop me a line. I’d like to cry a bit more, and feel seen.
If you want to read more on this book – here’s a great review by the Guardian.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/jul/30/tin-man-by-sarah-winman-review